


Kim and the Three HATS

by WoozleBucket



Category: The Yogscast
Genre: Crack, F/M, maybe a few swear words, not much else tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-20
Updated: 2016-06-20
Packaged: 2018-07-16 07:04:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7257421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WoozleBucket/pseuds/WoozleBucket
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Kim is a psychopath, Duncan is her unwilling boyfriend, Paul, Duncan's boss, is Kim's ex, and the HATS are innocent for once in their lives. Oh, and there's a Mexican dog named Jorge for some reason I forget. ONWARDS!!!</p>
<p>WARNING: COMPLETE AND UTTER CRACK</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kim and the Three HATS

**Author's Note:**

> HOLY BALLS, IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME!!!
> 
> Okay, so I have a lot of things going on in my life right now and not enough time to all of those things as well as write quality fics for the internet. 
> 
> So here's some random shit I came up with in the middle of Trig a while ago. Don't be expecting any quality in this cause you ain't getting none. This is purely crack.

Once upon a time in a land far, far away called England, there lived three men. These three men all shared a house, shared a dog named Jorge, and all worked at the same Taco Bell rip-off, Chili Wowa’s. Their names were Alex, Ross, and Chris. These three men also lived between two nosy neighbors, one named Kim and the other was a Canadian man who isn’t really important to this story. These three men all left for work at the same time each morning, took the same lunch shift, and came home at the same time. Alex drove, Ross played with the radio, and Chris sat in the back generally being a smartass.

One day, Kim the Busybody heard several crashes and a bark from her neighbors’ house. So when they all left for work at the same time, she called her boyfriend to come over and invited him to help her break into Alex, Ross, and Chris’s house. Kim’s semi-reluctant boyfriend, Duncan, didn’t really mind the boys, but she did have access to his credit card, so he came agreed and reluctantly drove over. Five minutes later, he pulled up in his ‘98 Ford Mustang and hopped out. Kim met him with a kiss and showed him over to the gaping hole she blew in their wall with ten pounds of TNT. Duncan honestly wasn’t surprised that nobody noticed because, to be honest, Kim’s neighborhood sucked.

The two stepped through the gaping hole and into Alex, Ross, and Chris’s former-kitchen-now-blast-zone.

“Wow,” Duncan said. “This place is still cleaner than yours.”

Kim smacked his arm. “Shut up, dummy. We need to go find Jorge and rescue him!”

“What’re we rescuing him from? Sure the HATS are stupid assholes, but they’re relatively harmless stupid assholes,” Duncan asked, picking up a piece of what probably used to be the refrigerator.

“The HATS?” Kim asked.

“Yeah. They say it stands for ‘Hot As Tits’. And the ‘S’ is ‘cause there’s more than one of ‘em,” Duncan explained.

“Huh,” Kim smartly said, completely ignoring what her boyfriend had just said. “Come on.”

She led the way through the ruins of the house, Duncan beginning to regret coming along. They went through the house until they got to the living room. Three mysteriously-stained recliners sat all in a row, each with a bag of chips on it. Kim grinned and skipped towards them.

“Kim, I thought we were looking for Jorge,” Duncan reminded.

Kim ignored him and proceeded to sit on the first chair and open the first bag of chips. “Ugh, these chips are Cool Ranch! And this chair is too hard! It must be Alex’s”

She spat the chips onto the dusty floor and moved to the next chair. “Ugh, these chips are Flaming Hot! And this chair is too soft! It must be Ross’s!”

She spat the chips onto the dusty floor and moved to the last chair. “Hmm, these chips are nice and Original! And this chair is just right! It must be Chris’s!”

Kim continued to sit in Chris’s chair and eat Chris’s chips until they were all gone while Duncan stood awkwardly to the side. He was beginning to wonder why he was dating her in the first place because she was beginning to seen a little psychotic. Suddenly, Kim stood up and pulled him up the half-ruined stairs.

“I think Jorge’s upstairs,” she said.

The upstairs area was a loft, so the HATS’ beds were all in a row under the cracked window. Kim immediately went over and flopped onto the green bed.

“Oomph!” she groaned. “This bed is far too hard! It must be Alex’s!”

She stood up and went to the blue bed. “Urg! This bed is far too soft! It must be Ross’s!”

She stood up and went to the orange bed. “Hmm, this bed feels just like mine! It must be Chris’s!”

Duncan stood there silently until he heard Kim snoring. He shook his head and decided to go to work. His boss was Kim’s ex, one of many, so he would probably understand.

Ten hours later, Kim was awoken by sirens and flashing blue and red lights.

“Put yer ‘ands up and come out peacefully!” a police officer yelled right next to her head. “Ye know, ‘cause yer unda’ arrest!”

Jorge stood next to Chris’s bed and the HATS themselves stood angrily at the foot of the bed.

“You never learn, do you?” Alex sighed.

“This is the fifth time this year!” Ross exclaimed.

“And your boyfriend broke up with you!” Chris added.

“So go and stay in jail, Kim!” all three yelled in unison.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“Wait,” Paul interrupted. “Did this really happen?”

Duncan looked at his boss and nodded. “You bet your sweet ass it did.”

Paul fluttered his eyelashes and put a hand on his cheek. “Aww, I didn’t know you cared!”

Duncan’s face turned a bright shade of red and he sputtered out, “N-No! You’re my boss!”

His boss started giggling like a madman and Duncan soon joined him.

**Author's Note:**

> Why the hell did you read all through that? Anyways, thanks!
> 
> (Maybe now I'll work on my other Yogs fic.....nah.)


End file.
